Wednesday

Who Does GORUCK Events?

Every GORUCK event is unique. However, many of the folks who show up at GORUCK events are the same. While the list below isn’t comprehensive, I thought it would be helpful to introduce you to some of the good women and men who will make up your team at a GORUCK event.

Newbie

newguy

Description: Newbie has no idea what he/she signed up for. After doing a few Spartan races and Tough Mudders (as evidenced by the t-shirt) Newbie somehow signed up for a GORUCK event without doing one simple google search to discover what happens at a GORUCK event. Newbie can often blend in at the start of an event but will be revealed during the welcome party as Newbie looks around, in a state of utter shock and bewilderment, having no clue what is happening and if or when it may stop. The look of terror always gives Newbie away.

Blue Falcon

bf

Description: Blue Falcon can usually be identified at the welcome party, however, this rucker is often confused for New Guy or Overpacker.  To truly identify Blue Falcon you will need to be given instructions from the Cadre. It is here that the Blue Falcon will be revealed as the completely inept team member he/she is. This ruckers actions will no doubt screw everyone over and lead to missing numerous time hacks and the team having to bear the brunt of the cadre’s PT punishment, which the Blue Falcon will also find a way to mess up.

Overpacker


Description: Overpacker is easy to find. Just look for the GR2. Inside Overpacker’s GR2 you will find an entire change of clothes, 2 jackets (one to keep warm and another to keep dry), a second pair of shoes, four MREs, a PB&J, a bag of beef jerky, a giant pelican case with iPad in it, a first aid kit that would make an doctor jealous, a f’n hatchet, a bottle of Gatorade, 6 carabeiners, 50 feet of webbing, and toothbrush. The upside of having Overpacker on your team is that if the apocalypse occurs during your event, this rucker probably got something in that bag to get you though.

Grey Man


Description: Grey Man is hard to see during the event. In fact, you won’t be able to see this rucker until you’re looking at the pictures your shadows posted on Facebook a couple days after the event. You’ll know Grey Man when you say, “Wait, who is that?” Yup, that’s Grey Man.

Shadows


Description: Right before the event starts, you’ll be having a nice conversation with all the people there for the event. The Cadre will arrive and suddenly half the people will walk away and go huddle against a wall or something. Those people are the shadows. Apparently, they really like GORUCK events, just not the PT, carrying stuff, teamwork, and all the hard parts of it. They, however, are quite helpful at taking dark blurry pictures and using a flash in the middle of the night. They also are really good at drinking beer and standing.

Workhorse

Two Sherpa Porters Carrying Heavy Sacks In The Himalaya At Evere

Description: The best way to find Workhorse is to begin struggling with a coupon. Workhorse will appear out of nowhere and say, “You want me to take that for a bit, bro?” You will look over and realize that this rucker is already carrying a 100# sandbag on his/her back and a jerry can in each hand. “Just throw it on my back for me.” Workhorse says. And, you might as well. Workhorse feels no pain.

Smurf

smurf

Description: This adorable little creature is much stronger than you think. The best way for you to identify Smurf is for your team to get assigned a log. The Smurf is the one who isn’t resting the log on his/her shoulder, rather Smurf is overhead pressing it in order to contribute. Smurf may be short, but absolutely a bad-ass.

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Heavy Drop


Description: “Dear Lord, PLEASE don’t let cadre make him a casualty.” The moment you utter those words, you’ve found your Heavy Drop.

Blue Jeans & Flannel Guy

Jeans Guy

Description: The king of Rule #1. This guy is the stuff of legend. You laugh him off at the start of the night, easily mistaking him for New Guy. Then, 3/4 of the way through the night, when you’re sucking wind and about to die, you look over at him and realize his freakin shirt is still neatly tucked in and he’s smiling.

Chatty Cathy


Description: Please. Shut. Up.

All Smiles

smile

Description: Welcome party: smiles. Casualties: smiles. Time hack: smiles. Log: smiles. Backward bear crawls up a freakin mountain: smiles. Has to carry Overpacker’s ruck: smiles. Pretty sure this rucker is just drunk.

Scary Quiet Guy

husky

Description: The most words ever spoken by Scary Quite Guy were “No. I’m good.” No one has ever really figured out what’s up with this guy, but he seems pretty unhappy about everything. However, he usually pulls a ton of weight and, yes, he’s probably going to kill all of you.

OK, who did I miss? Let me know in the comment section below.

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22 Replies to Who Does GORUCK Events?

  1. You forgot Sgt. Tacticool. This guy has all the trendiest milsim gear and knows his stuff about his gear, but not much else. He airsofts and plays CoD so he’s pretty much an operator.

  2. The Saboteur, a subspecies of the Blue Falcon, but shows up with the weighted flag pole and extra coupons just because he wants to make sure everyone gets a little more good livin’. When cadre asks, “Anyone cold?”, everyone responds “No” as icicles are forming off their noses, except the Saboteur who frantically responds “YES!”, leading to PT to warm everyone up.

  3. The guy who’s done like 20 events and doesn’t train for Goruck anymore. He also wear ranger panties and inappropriate times.

  4. You also forgot “The Gimp”. This is the person who shows up for there umpteenth event in so many weeks and still hasn’t fully recovered from the injuries they received from their first event that month. They don’t complain about how much it hurts they just smile and say cool things like “It could always be worse!”

  5. Thank you!!! I’m still trying to figure out all the GORUCK jargon. This is VERY helpful. Now, what about Senior GRTs. Is this a real thing?

  6. How about the Team Leaders’ TL. This person has done a lot of events but always has advice for the TL and won’t shut up about it. They often become a Blue Falcon when they undermine the current TL and ATL. They can be very useful at times, but sometimes they need to just let the Newbies learn how to lead on their own.

  7. Left out the grizzly GRTs who decided to pass on further body beatings and now mostly shadow and support their friends/newbies. And give them shots at 0300.

  8. The Attention whore…

    Has a zillion selfies on IG, wears clothes that show off a massive chest and ass (male or female), and starts complaining six minutes into a Light Welcome party.

  9. Also the Gym Hero… bricked up looking dude who dies from the start. All show no go.

    Could also be the False Alarm, The Tease, False Advertizing…

  10. I did my first ever Ruck in Savannah, Georgia 2 years ago and I’m heading to Charleston this coming Saturday for my 2nd Go Ruck event. I’m not sure who I am…..maybe old guy….who should be during a few more Rucks a year…..LOL!!!

  11. The Den Mother. Genuinely concerned for everyone’s well-being. Sternly reminds the speedy people in the front that it’s a team event. Uses “please” and “thank you” when TL.

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